Wellbeing Blog: Dealing with Challenging People and Office Drama Have you ever found yourself caught up in office drama, experienced conflict with a colleague, or engaged in challenging conversations with service users? Sometimes you might feel like you’ve ended up on the cast of Eastenders or Coronation Street without even auditioning. Drama and conflict presents itself in all walks of life, and working in the free money advice sector is no exception. It’s not easy to admit, but drama is a common way of expressing what’s going on around us. We might not always verbalise it, but it’s there. In this blog, we’ll explore the drama triangle and will explain how we can work with it to understand relational difficulties at work, our reactions to situations, and others’ behaviours Understanding the Drama Triangle The drama triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman in 1968, helps us make sense of relationship patterns and thought processes. Based on Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis, it describes how we all play these roles at different times in our lives, both at work and at home. The drama triangle specifically identifies three roles people often unconsciously play in conflict: the Victim, the Hero, and the Villain. We all play these roles at times. These are not just roles that others play! Understanding these roles can help us navigate and resolve relational difficulties in various aspects of life. Meet the Cast Let’s explore the characters in the Drama Triangle in more detail. The Villain The Villain is the one who blames and criticises. This role involves a display of power over others, often in response to feeling threatened or insecure. Villains may use aggression or manipulation to maintain control and deflect attention away from their own issues. Characteristics: The villain adopts a controlling, blaming, and critical stance. They may assert their authority and superiority, believing that others are at fault for problems and that strict measures are necessary to correct issues. Behaviour: Villains often say things like, “It’s your fault,” “You’re wrong,” or “You need to do it my way.” They focus on punishment and blame rather than solutions. They see the person as the weak link. Impact: While they may feel justified in their actions, villains can create a hostile and demoralising environment, leading to resentment and conflict. People around them will feel belittled or annoyed themselves. This can lead to stress or others feeling devalued and ultimately demoralised. The Victim The victim role is characterised by a sense of powerlessness and helplessness. Individuals in this role often perceive themselves as victims of circumstances, blaming external factors for their challenges. They may seek sympathy and support from others while avoiding responsibility for their own situation. Characteristics: The Victim feels oppressed, helpless, powerless, ashamed, and unable to make decisions or take control of their situation. They often see themselves as the one who is being wronged and look for someone to rescue them. Behaviour: Victims often say things like, “Poor me,” “It’s not my fault,” or “I can’t do anything about it.” They seek sympathy and support from others but do not take active steps to change their situation. “It’s not my responsibility? I can’t do anything right. Nobody understands how hard this is for me. I have no power to change the situation.” Impact: While they may seek sympathy and help, Victims can also frustrate others with their perceived passivity and refusal to take responsibility. Victims can be seen either as not competent enough or unable to manage their work or situation. The Hero The Hero's role involves stepping in to save the day. Heroes feel a compulsive need to fix others' problems, often at the expense of their own well-being. While appearing helpful, the hero may unwittingly prolong the victim's sense of helplessness and the villain’s need for control. Characteristics: The hero sees themselves as the hero or saviour, stepping in to save the Victim. They derive a sense of purpose and self-worth from helping others, often neglecting their own needs. Behaviour: Heroes often say things like, “Let me help you,” “I can fix this,” or “You need me.” They take on more than their fair share of responsibilities. I clearly am the one who needs to help here. I’m responsible for everything. You can’t do it without me. It’s down to me to carry others Impact: While initially appreciated, Heroes can foster dependency, disempowering the Victim and causing frustration when their efforts are not acknowledged or reciprocated. In the long term, this can lead to them taking the Hero for granted or being depended on and seeing them only in the role of ‘housekeeper and cleaner’ of team messes. There can be resentment at the other end of rescuing. ‘Quiet on Set, Roll Camera’ Let’s look at a classic scenario of the drama triangle in the workplace, with all three roles at play: Imagine you’re part of a money advice team where the pressure is rising due to increasing service demands relating to the cost of living crisis. People start feeling the pressure. Meet Jo, the team leader, who is under immense pressure from her line manager. She starts pushing the team hard, accepting no excuses, and not allowing anyone to say no to work. She sees no way out except to make everyone do more to keep her boss happy. Meanwhile Iain, a new and junior team member, is struggling. He doesn’t fully understand the work yet and ends up with increasing responsibilities. He feels out of his depth, takes work home, and starts complaining to his partner about how unfair his boss is. In the office, he looks miserable and even considers leaving. John, an experienced team member, notices Iain’s struggle and starts taking on extra work to help him out. John’s workload increases, and he feels more pressure, but he can’t stand seeing Iain suffer under Jo’s demands. Jo becomes the Villain or Persecutor, pushing the team relentlessly. Iain feels like the Victim, overwhelmed and helpless. John steps in as the Hero or Rescuer, taking on more to help Iain. No one is happy, and everyone feels trapped in this cycle. Over time, the players may switch roles. Iain might accuse Jo of being unfair, becoming the Villain, while Jo feels like a Victim, stuck between her boss and her team. John, trying to smooth things over, might snap and move to either the Victim or Villain role. How do we Move Past the Drama Breaking free from this cycle involves recognising these patterns and consciously choosing healthier, more constructive responses. In every situation, a good starting point is to ensure we come out feeling okay about our behaviour. This isn’t always easy, especially when dealing with workplace politics, difficult bosses, or challenging clients. However, maintaining a sense of integrity and presence helps us avoid actions we might regret later. Using the drama triangle model as a framework, we can better navigate these complex interactions. Awareness and accountability The first step in breaking the drama triangle cycle is awareness. Recognising when you are in one of the roles allows you to take accountability for your emotions and actions. Whether you find yourself playing the victim, villain, or hero, acknowledging your role is the key to breaking free from the cycle. Shifting from victim to creator Empowerment begins with a shift from the victim role to that of the creator. Instead of seeing yourself as a passive recipient of circumstances, adopting a creator mindset involves taking responsibility for your choices and actively shaping the outcome of a situation. This shift empowers individuals to make constructive decisions and break free from the limitations of the victim role. Identify what you truly want to happen. What is the outcome you are looking for? Be honest with the persecutor and don’t sit silent. For instance, if you’re struggling in a new job, book a meeting with your boss to discuss your challenges. Clearly express your situation and seek solutions. Define your responsibilities and communicate them effectively. Coaching Questions: What triggered you to feel like the victim? If you were to adopt a solution focused approach in this situation what would need to change? How could you share this with the other people in the triangle? Setting boundaries as a Villain Villains often act out of a need for control or a fear of vulnerability. Shifting from the villain role involves recognising and addressing these underlying issues. Setting healthy boundaries, expressing concerns assertively rather than aggressively, and fostering open communication are crucial steps in transforming the persecutor dynamic into a more constructive and cooperative one. Recognise the pressure you’re under and seek ways to address it without being harsh to others. If necessary, apologise and suggest working together to find a constructive way forward. Focus on solutions rather than blame, and work empathetically to understand others’ needs. Coaching Questions: What triggered you to feel like the Villain? What are you trying to achieve in this situation? What can you do to bring this about through collaboration or any other approach? Encouraging self-reliance over rescue Heroes, driven by a desire to help, may inadvertently adopt unhealthy patterns. Shifting from the hero role involves encouraging self-reliance in others. Instead of rushing to solve problems for them, empowering individuals to find their own solutions fosters independence and breaks the cycle of dependence on the hero. Notice your tendency to jump into a problem and resist it. Instead, adopt a coaching approach to help others resolve their issues. Spend time with the person you’re rescuing to understand their perspective and guide them in finding their solutions. Setting boundaries and supporting others in problem-solving can prevent dependency and promote empowerment. Coaching Questions: What triggered you to feel like the Hero? How can you let go of trying to resolve this situation? What can you do to support the other person without rescuing them? How can Leaders and Managers Help? If you notice a ‘drama’ playing out in your team, the first thing is not to join in. Aim to remain independent and in a calm state. Working with a coaching approach you can spend time with each person involved, helping them identify what they need in the situation, and help them create a plan to bring this about. Maybe you can facilitate an open conversation, or work on role alignment or any issue that may be the cause of the drama. What Happens if the Drama Persists? Sometimes people are very stuck in their roles and don’t want to move off the drama triangle. In this case, the first rule is to work hard to remain calm and understand the facts. Ask someone to help you with this – maybe this could be discussed as part of your professional supervision. Work out what you need to do to look after yourself whilst you are in the midst of the drama. Look at any options you have to have less exposure to the drama. Challenges and pitfalls While the drama triangle provides valuable insights into relationship dynamics, it is essential to approach its application with caution. Misuse or overemphasis on the model can lead to oversimplification of complex interpersonal issues. Additionally, the model should not be used as a tool for assigning blame but rather as a guide for fostering self-awareness and promoting healthier communication. Summary The drama triangle serves as a valuable framework for understanding and transforming relationship dynamics both inside and outside the workplace. We will all at times find ourselves caught up in drama and conflict. By recognising and breaking free from your role in the drama you can cultivate healthier and more constructive interactions. Leaving you with more time and energy to enjoy the ‘real’ drama on Albert Square, doof, doof, doof, doof…… Don’t forget you can access all the latest Money Advice Scotland Workforce Wellbeing Training, Resources and tools here. Manage Cookie Preferences